Tough Love Thursdays are about real issues facing alternative sexuality communities.  These can be external pressures or internal struggles - not for the faint of heart.

Ableism permeates our culture and alternative sexuality communities are not exempt from participating in a system that makes people with disabilities or different abilities invisible.  We do this by assuming that everyone’s mind and body work the same.  I was told a story by a top who had to sit down to play.  The side-eyes and negative comments implying they were just being “lazy” made them so uncomfortable they left the space with no desire to return.  This casual ableism can make a play space unsafe for a person with disabilities or different abilities. Ask yourself:

• When you negotiate a scene, do you check in about a person’s physical capacity? Previous injuries? Emotional triggers?
• Does your favorite Leather contest provide interpreters?
• Is the dungeon equipment spaced to accommodate a wheelchair?
• What can you do to address these issues in your community?

Before you judge a scene or person you are not involved with, remember disabilities and different abilities can be visible or invisible… and that unless a scene is harmful or breaks play space rules, it’s not your job to judge.